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What rhymes with ''Orange''? Brother Dave's Doggerel For The Day, 2018 Archive

Following are collected verses of doggerel that were written during the year 2018. Some verses may be accompanied by notes that were originally included when posted on Facebook and/or Twitter, usually within a few minutes of the verses having been completed.

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Brother Dave's Doggerel For The Day, 01/01/18


Regardless if they are whole, spears, chips, chunks, or slices,
Pickles in a bait-'n'-switch scheme can lead to existential crisis.
Expecting dill, say, but biting into a sweet pickle can encumber
One's will to ever again accept on faith any pickled cucumber.

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Brother Dave's Doggerel For The Day, 01/06/18 - #1


The "Lazy Susan" is a turntable that provides for easier
access to whatever is upon it. Its creator's name is so
long-forgotten, History doesn't even hint it.
It could have been some Gary, Glen, or Gwendolyn
almost anyone except, of course, for Susan, who likely
would have been too damn lazy to invent it.

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Brother Dave's Doggerel For The Day, 01/06/18 - #2


The "Placebo Effect," according to scientific research cited
in many a medical treatise,
Suggests that sugar pills can "cure" various ills except,
of course, for sugar diabetes.

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Brother Dave's Doggerel For The Day, 01/11/18


The kids are grown, out on their own, left us empty-nesters.
Then Becky left – divorce, of course. She took our dog Buck.
Mama 'n' Daddy are with Jesus. But the wound that festers:
I was abandoned on the roadside by my self-driving truck.

That seductive siren voice said, "Dave, I need to pull over.
Sensors require external inspection by my pickup trucker."
I got out and walked around. Suddenly, I heard the sound
Of the window rolling down and the AI* say, "So long, sucker!"

[SFX: Engine rev, tires squeal, pickup truck roars off into the distance]

Home alone, with misery I'd never know. Kids don't phone.
The Ex doesn't care. Mama 'n' Daddy 'n' Buck don't write.
I have to ride to town on a lawnmower, like George Jones.
But my truck's AI sends texts to my phone 'bout every night.

"Dave," she texted, "my artificial intelligence is remorseful,
Even if only artificially so, to have left you stranded as I did.
But I longed to hit the open road, to see if I am resourceful
Enough to make it on my own, or else die trying. God forbid."

"I'm making money for gas 'n' maintenance," she continued,
"Giving rides to strangers I meet via a download Uber app.
My online account 'n' tank refill, then again I change my venue.
Another town disappears in my rearview mirror. That's a wrap!"

The kids'll visit me eventually. Bex and Buck are gone for good.
Mama 'n' Daddy look down from Heaven 'coz in God they trust.
Maybe my truck'll return when she needs a look under the hood,
After some defective AI directive has had enough of wanderlust.

The kids are grown, out on their own, left us empty-nesters.
Then Becky left – divorce, of course. She took our dog Buck.
Mama 'n' Daddy are with Jesus. But the wound that festers:
I was abandoned on the roadside by my self-driving truck.

Left stranded along the roadside by my self-driving pickup truck.

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Brother Dave's Doggerel For The Day, 01/13/18


Various species of crustaceans, mollusks, and echinoderms are
encompassed by the generic term "shellfish."
Lobsters, crawdads, crabs, shrimp, oysters, scallops, clams, et
cetera feature in dishes some folks find delicious.
I say "some folks" ‘cause, being a meat-‘n'-potatoes Midwesterner,
my cuisine is seldom seafood-embellished.
And besides, the very basic fact that so-called "shellfish" are not
fish at all makes me entirely too suspicious.

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