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It is magically revealed to Harry Potter that ''Tom M. R., A Dildo Lover'' is an anagram of ''Tom Marvolo Riddle''  the name of the heir of Slytherin and long-ago Hogwarts student who had ultimately transformed himself into the evil Lord Voldemort, Harry's nemesis. Tom M. R., A Dildo Lover

Some title, huh? Sounds kinda like something you might imagine hearing from someone introducing himself at a support group for sex addicts, doesn't it? But let me explain. 'Kay?

I like Harry Potter. (No, not in any kinky sexually-addicted-and-in-need-of-a-support-group kinda way. Jeez!)

My Daughter (aka "The Kiddo") talked me into reading the Potter books a few years ago. She loaned me her own then-complete collection, volumes one through five, so I could start with the first book and read through the series in sequence. And just as she expected, I found them to be very entertaining.

Well, just a few weeks ago, when the sixth Harry Potter volume, "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince," was finally released, The Kiddo and I bought our copies on the very first day of availability. Hotcha! But we weren't weird about it. I mean, it's not like we wore wizard costumes and stood in line for hours while awaiting the midnight start of initial sales. Nope, we merely ducked into a store and picked up our HP6 volumes early Saturday afternoon, 'bout 12 or 13 hours after the first authorized sales were permitted here in our time zone (EST, not EDT... This is Indiana. Don't ask.).

Anyway, after I finished reading HP6, I decided to return to HP1 and begin re-reading my way back through the series again. And it was on a Sunday morning after re-reading HP2, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets," that, instead of continuing directly on into HP3, I was compelled to fire up my computer and go online to find the answer to a question that occurred to me while reading "The Heir of Slytherin," the next-to-last chapter of HP2. It is in this chapter that Tom Marvolo Riddle reveals the statement "I am Lord Voldemort" is an anagram of his own full name (assuming that his first name isn't really Thomas instead of Tom).

So, I logged onto the 'Net and surfed to a neat page that I've enjoyed playing around with before: the Internet Anagram Server.

I mean, I couldn't help but wonder what other permutations of the name "Tom Marvolo Riddle" there might be other than "I am Lord Voldemort."

Well (gulp), when I typed in TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE and then clicked the "Get Anagrams" button, I got back a butt-load of raw data. A butt-load!

I began going through the list to pull out and edit (rearrange, punctuate, case adjust, etc.) lines that I found to be, for whatever reasons, more interesting than the rest. It was only after I realized I'd already spent a couple of hours working on the list (and had not yet started to re-read HP3) that I marked a stopping-place and tried to calculate the full scope of my project and my progress thus far.

Turned out that I'd only culled some 165 lines outta the first 7,217 entries from a grand total of 62,502 (Count 'em, 62,502!) lines of raw anagram data. Whoa!!!

And now, since that first start on editing the list, I've culled some 210 lines outta the first 8,122 entries from a grand total of 62,502 (Count 'em, 62,502!) lines of raw anagram data. That's what? Still 54,380 lines of raw anagrams data yet to search through! Whoa, again!!!

I was just curious as to what other pseudonyms, slogans, catch-phrases, etc. Riddle might have otherwise assumed to identify his alter-ego, wondering whether "I am Lord Voldemort" really is the most terrifying of all the available options. (Personally, if an evil-looking wizard apparated out of thin air right in front of me and proclaimed, "I am Lord Voldemort," I'd take a step backward. You bet. But if, instead, he identified himself as "Tom M. R., a dildo lover," I'd take two [or more, many more] steps backward very quickly and, for obvious reasons, not daring to turn my backside toward him as I withdrew from his presence. "Er, well, Tom, I'd... uh, I'd sure appreciate it if you didn't point that wand at me. Speaking of which, that's a rather unusual model you've got there. Get that at Ollivanders on Diagon Alley, did ya, Tom? I've never seen one quite like that before. I mean, the length is within traditional parameters. But the circumference... Why, I'd guess ol' Ollivander coulda packed a whole variety of magical substances in the core of a wand like that. Phoenix tailfeathers, hairs from unicorn tails, dragon heartstrings, strands of Veela hair... What? Ya say it only holds three C-cell batteries!? Simple Muggle technology that just feels like magic, is it? Uh,... ya know, Tom, you're kinda creepin' me out now... [cricket, cricket] Uh... Ah, jeez, just look at the time! Wow! Had no idea it was gettin' so late. Sorry, Dude, but I gotta run. Catch ya later though, 'kay? Soon. We'll do lunch. T-T-F-N, T.")

Following is my edited list-to-date. (Well, what's a natural-born Lister to do?) As you read through and consider the various entries, you may decide for yourself whether Riddle might have chosen a more appropriate pseudonym, etc.


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Brother Dave Lister's List-to-Date:
Selected Anagrams of the Name

"Tom Marvolo Riddle"

Tom M. R., A Dildo Lover
Mr. Tom, A Dildo Lover
Root, Moll, I'm Dr. Dave!
I roll mom to Dr. Dave.
Omit Moll or Dr. Dave.
Aid model or Mr. Volt.
Mr. moved to roll aid.
Mom drove troll aid.
Aid to Mr. Doll Mover
Move aid to Mr. Droll.
Aid droll voter, Mom.
Lover to aid Mr. Mold
Mr. Love to dial dorm
Dial dorm lover, Tom.
Vroom, Mildred, a lot.
A middler volt room
A riddle: Mom or volt?
Mr. Moll avoided rot.
Mom or a troll dived.
A Molded Mr. Rot, Vol. I
Mr. Voltor did a mole.
Vroom, a troll did me!
Lo, Mr. Torvol did me!
Tor, Moll did a mover.
A mover did rot, Moll.
A mover did roll Tom.
Mort Roll did a move.
Tom, a rover, did Moll.
A voter did roll Mom.
Mom, a troll did rove.
Lo, Mom, a volt did err.
Moll did rev a motor.
Mr. Tom Velor - a dildo
Mort M. - a dildo lover
A love dildo, Mr. M? Rot!
A dildo... Or volt me, Mr.
A mile or odd Mr. Volt
Odd Mr. Volt or a lime
A river toll, Mom? Odd.
Roll odd Mom a rivet.
A Mr. Milt or odd love
Odd, I'm a troll mover.
Odd move, ill Mr. Tora.
I'm odd Rev. Tom A. Roll.
Lo, Mr. Ed or a dim volt?
Avoid Mr. Ed? Rot, Moll!
O, a droll vomit, Mr. Ed.
Mr. Ed or I mold a volt.
I'm a lord, Dom. Revolt!
Lord, I'm a Mod. Revolt!
I've a dorm, Tom D. Roll
Mom, I've trod da roll.
Vomit-rolled Dr. Mao.
Dr. Vito rolled a mom.
A mom, or idle Dr. Volt?
Dr. Volt or a deli, Mom?
A Dr. Voltor lied, Mom!
A moldier volt dorm
Vroom! A milder dolt.
A milder Dr. Molotov
A volt rod riled Mom.
A Dr. Volto riled Mom.
Tom or a drivel mold?
A drivel old mom? Rot!
A drivel motor mold
A mom to Lord Drivel
A drivel tool, Dr. Mom?
Lord, a mom lived rot.
Old Mr. Tom Oar lived!
A devil mold, Mr. Root?

To Mr. Mold or a devil
Old devil or a Mr. Tom
Lord, a devil rot Mom!
Roam dorm lot, Devil.
Lo, a devil rot Dr. Mom.
Lo, Dr. Mom: A devil rot.
A Devil Room, Dr. Molt
A dime or old Mr. Volt
A dime toll, Dr. Vroom.
Dr. Roll at Moviedom
A moviedom troll Dr.
Lo, a volt-rimmed rod!
A volt dimmer!? Drool.
A volt or old dimmer
A dimmer Lord Volto
Midterm Drool, Vol. A
Dr. Om vomited a roll.
Mr. Ro vomited a doll.
A volt or mired mold?
A mired old Mr. Volto
Mired Mold Rot, Vol. A
Avoid E.R. toll, Dr. Mom.
Video a troll, Dr. Mom.
Lo, a dire volt, Dr. Mom.
Lord, Mom, ride a volt.
Lo, Dr. Volt, ride a mom.
Volt a drier old mom.
Old Mom: A volt rider
Lo, a driver told Mom.
A driver doll to mom
Do a driver toll, Mom.
Divert mom or a doll.
A diver mom? Doll rot!
A mom to droll diver
Mr. Moot: a diver doll
Dr. Moll, a moot diver
A mom drive? Doll rot!
Drive to a droll mom.
Lord, Mom, drive a lot!?
A drive-rod toll, Mom?
A dive mom? Droll rot!
LED or a dim-volt ROM?
Mr. Mold led via root.
Ora led old Mr. Vomit.
Vim led Mr. A. to drool.
Vomit led Lord Roam.
Lo, Dr. V. led a riot, Mom.
Dr. or mom led IV a lot.
Dr. or mom led Vi a lot.
Avoid Tom or Mr. Dell.
A dell odor to Mr. Vim
A vomit room, Dr. Dell?
A dorm-rolled vomit
Meld, or avoid Mr. Lot!
Rid a volt meld room.
Meld, via mold or rot.
Lord, meld via motor.
Model via Lord Mort.
I'm a model, Dr, Voltor.
Drooler via Mom, LTD.
Tom, a mild overlord
Overlord amid molt
Retold via Lord Mom
A loved or mild Mort
I'm a loved old Mr. Rot.
Lord, I'm a loved Mort.
I'm a loved dolt, Mr. Ro.
Dr. Mort loved a limo.
Lo, I'm loved, Dr. Mort!
Dame Idol or Mr. Volt?

Avoid med roll, Mort.
A med or IV to Mr. Doll
A med or droll vomit
I'm a volt or Med Lord!
Dame Vim: Odor Troll
Dame rod: It'll vroom!
Dame rod: vomit roll
A med rod vomit roll
A Dr. Troll Moo Med IV
Droll rot via modem
Troll rod via modem
Mr. Volta or a mode lid
Mr. Doll via dome rot
Rot mode via Mr. Doll
Droll mode via Mort
Dorm mode via troll
A Dr. till Vroom Mode
A vomit roll, Dr. Mode?
A vomit mode, Dr. Roll?
Mr. Volt or a dome lid?
Roll mode via Dr. Tom
Troll mode via Dr. Mo
Rot via Mr. Dome Doll
A dome-rim Volt Lord
Troll dorm via dome
A vomit dome, Dr. Roll?
Mr. Volta or demo lid
A demo doll IV, Mr. Rot?
A Lord Volt demo rim
A droll vim demo!? Rot!
A dorm troll demo, Vi?
Dr. Lilt, a demo vroom?
A vomit demo, Dr. Roll?
I'd a roll Mort moved.
Ida moved to Mr. Roll.
Lo, Mr. Rot moved a lid.
Mort moved Ora Dill.
Mr. Root moved a dill.
A Mr. Drill moved too.
Tom or a drill moved.
A drill motor moved.
Rot moved amid roll.
Too arid, Moll R. moved.
Mao moved dirt roll.
Ora moved dirt, Moll.
I, Mr. Rot, moved a doll.
I moved a droll Mort.
A droll ROM moved it.
Lord Milt moved Ora.
Alit, Lord Rom moved.
Rod, I'm a moved troll.
Dr. A. moved; I'll motor.
A moot Dr. Rill moved.
A trill Dr. Moo moved.
Dr. Till moved a room.
Dr. Till moved a moor.
I'm moved to rad roll.
Omit a moved Dr. Roll.
A riot moved Dr. Moll.
Ora moved it, Dr. Moll.
Mr. Volt or a mild doe
Mr. Volt or a mild ode
A doll rot ode, Mr. Vim?
Vim rooted a Dr. Moll.
It'll overdo a Dr. Mom.
Moll, overdo a Dr. Tim.
Vim: Mort rode a doll.
Tom rode a droll vim.
Lord Mim rode a volt.
Redo a mild ROM volt.

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And that, at least for now, Dear Pilgrim, is that.

Later, Brother "'Dear Hot Verb' or 'Her Verb Toad' or 'The Bad Rover' or 'The Over-Drab' or 'Verb-Ho Dater' or 'Bathed Rover' or 'Ah, Be Dr. Overt' or 'Dr. Over-Bathe' or 'A Verde Throb' or 'Her Bad Voter' or 'Red Bra Vet Ho' or 'Hero Vet Bard'" Dave

PS: Long live Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore!

PPS: Having once again read HP volumes 1 through 5, I am now re-reading HP6. It is in this installment of the series that we learn more about Tom Marvolo Riddle's background. Although I haven't bothered to feed this through the anagram generator, while I was reading the name of Tom's mother, Merope Gaunt, it just suddenly occurred to me that her name is an anagram of "Grope me, Aunt." Or, "Rope me, Aunt G." Coincidence? Or conspiracy? I wonder. BD

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2001-2012 David R. Lister • All Rights Reserved.